Life Can Shower You With a Mix of Emotions
As you all know my family is getting ready to move. In fact we are packing up the house this weekend and leaving early Monday morning. When I think about the move I am filled with a ton of mixed emotions. Emotions that you would think should not be together.
My family is going to have a new beginning. We are leaving the big city and moving into the quiet countryside in Washington State. I should be excited (and I am) about this new adventure and new chapter in my life. But I am also scared to death.
Thinking about how I am going to manage taking care of four children under the age of five without the help of my family and friends frightens me. On top of that I have two businesses that I am trying to manage from my home (The Healthy Moms Magazine and Mom’s Natural Health and Wellness Shop). One of which is still fairly new so I’ve been spending a lot of time on it.
How am I supposed to do all of this? Am I superwoman? I don’t think so. I really need a break from my two preschoolers. But I have learned that preschool is not free anymore, unless you are willing to home school your kids. Thinking about how I am going to afford preschool for two of my children also frightens me.
I just want them to be out of the house for two days a week. They need to socialize with kids their age and learn how to read and write so they are ready for Kindergarten. Ciara will start Kindergarten in the fall of 2011. I want her to be ready. My oldest was lucky enough to get into Head Start when she was 3 and 4. Today the waiting list is twice as long for that program as it was ten years ago when she attended. Times are tough, families are struggling and I understand.
When I think of the move my anxiety sets in too. How am I going to meet people with kids my age? Am I going to meet other moms? Will my kids be able to make friends? Thinking about this makes my heart pound harder and also causes me to worry. I am an extrovert, always have been. When I was in school I was always surrounded by friends and I joined as many clubs and organizations as I could. As an adult with small children I’ve found it much harder to find the time to join community clubs and organizations. But I know that I need to, otherwise I will become anxious and depressed.
When I think of the move I also feel disappointed and angry. A while ago I signed up for the early bird registration for Blog World Expo. This was going to be my first Blog conference and I was extremely pumped. I invested money that we really did not have to go to this conference. We were going to have Chris’ parents watch the kids and drive down to Vegas. Chris said he would be able to get a few days off of work so he could take me. I was looking forward to the break away from the kids and the chance to meet other bloggers in person.
Now that we are moving and Chris got promoted he said that there is no way he could take any more time off in October. He already has a few days off so we can move. I don’t have anyone in Washington who will be able to watch the kids and thinking about purchasing a plane ticket to fly down to Las Vegas is out of the question. I just can’t go period.
When I visited the Blog World Expo website and checked to see if I could get a refund, the site said that they only refunded the registration fee to people that cancel in July or earlier. We did not find out about Chris’ promotion until September so how could I have canceled in July? I am so angry! The money I invested in this conference would really help my family now.
When I think of the move I feel overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed with joy for my husband. He finally found his career path and a job that he enjoys. I am overwhelmed with stress. Stress because I know that I will be the one unpacking and organizing our 2200 square foot house. That is a lot of space and I hope I can find the time and the energy to do it all. I also know that I will be glad and feel refreshed if everything is organized and has a spot in our house. Goodbye clutter!
I am also very happy and ready for this new beginning. On Monday I will be tweeting as we leave California and travel up to Washington State. You can follow my tweets at twitter.com/cltalbert or #healthymomsmag. I’ve never been to the Pacific Northwest before and am very excited to share with you all God‘s beautiful scenery and the adventure I will go through with my children as we make the long drive.