Mothers – We Either Love Them or Hate Them

Very few people have neutral opinions about their mother. They are either full of praise for all her wonderful qualities and her love or they express sadness and frustration at how difficult their relationship was. Some people never get over the impact that their mother had on them.

A mother can devastate us with a word, a look or even an inferred comment and a sigh. She can provoke guilt by the subtle use of her power because she knows which buttons to press. In an ideal world a mother realises that her children are a temporary part of her life. Her role is to raise responsible young people who will have the confidence to branch out into the world, lead their own lives, maybe raise their own children.

Some mothers though :

– want their daughter to be their best friend. They may share clothes, make up, discuss boyfriends, perhaps even compare notes after a night out. They love being mistaken for their daughter’s sister and may even compete with her for attention and compliments. This can be quite tough for the daughter as she may be building her own confidence, trying to find her own identity and find her direction in life. All her friends will love her mother and she may feel a little isolated from her own niche. Many girls love having a modern mother who is prepared to discuss their problems and issues, but they want it to be done in a maternal way, not as a friend. They have friends for those conversations.

– may be envious of their daughter’s youth, looks, potential opportunities that lie ahead for her. They may live through their daughter, compensating for their own missed successes, or disappointing life choices. These mothers may push their daughters to enter beauty contests, take up interests that they once had, maybe push them to become successful as a way of living vicariously.

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teach their sons to be dependent on them. Some mothers love fussing over their boys, love doing everything for them. Interestingly they often expect their daughter to share with the household chores, but allow the boys to watch TV, lounge around, be waited on hand and foot. Little do they realise that these boys will have difficulties when they come to move out and live alone, if they ever do ! And they will make poor partners who may well treat their wives as servants or mothers.

teach their daughter to treat men as special, as people who do not know how to do anything around the house. Some mothers define themselves through their ability to run the home. They love that they are the centre of their environment, the matriarch, that everything runs around them. But raising their daughter to emulate that behaviour can be problematic. Many men want to be more independent and help with chores and the running of the house. If their wife or girlfriend continually insists on doing it all herself they may eventually let that happen, and then find that they are criticized for being lazy.

A good mother will teach her children all the positive qualities of loving, nurturing, supporting and caring. Her role is provide a safe environment for her children, allow them to become independent, develop in their own way and achieve goals that are important and relevant to them. When the time comes she will then allow them to leave, knowing that they have a secure set of values, inner confidence and a place to return if needed.

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Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist,

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  • CrystalsCozyKitchen , February 24, 2011

    I'm one of those daughters that love my mother, I realize she is not perfect, but really who is? She helped me learn and gain independence as I grew. She let me make decisions and gave me input when she thought I wasn't seeing the whole picture, but never made me do things the way she thought I should.

  • Elizabeth , February 24, 2011

    I am one who has a tensed relationship with my mom. I'm not really sure why, but we're working on creating a great relationship as now I'm a mom too, and can see things from her perspective now. I love my mom, and am grateful for what she has given me!

  • Melissa , February 25, 2011

    My mom and I have very different personalities – it's easy for us to rub each other the wrong way. She's very assertive, and I'm…well…not. She didn't always handle things the best way with me as I went through my teen and young adult years, but we still loved each other.

    As I grew and matured, especially after I got married, I realized I was the only person I could control, and I could either keep waiting for her to change, or I could change myself. I became more assertive, as uncomfortable as it was. But a strange thing happened – she heard me. She softened towards me. And I can honestly say our relationship was good in the past, but now it's better than it ever was.

  • Brooke , February 25, 2011

    I've always had a good relationship with my mother. She didn't try to be my best friend, but that's kind of what she's ended up being. I'm the oldest child, by 7 years, and now I'm married with my own daughter and the rest of my siblings are in junior high and high school. Because of the age gap, the best friend relationship has sort of flourished on its own. It's been really nice.

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