Love and Logic is a parenting technique that has been tried and tested for many years. Started by well known parenting experts Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline MD over 30 years ago, Love and Logic has helped thousands of parents raise responsible and loving children. Jim Fay has written several books and given classes and seminars all over the country.
The four basic principles of love and logic, build self concept, share the control or decision making, offer empathy, then consequences, and share the thinking and problem solving help build children’s self-esteem and teach them personal responsibility and how to make intelligent choices.
Build the Self-Concept
If your child wants to do something that you think might not be a good idea, ask questions that encourage your child to think about his actions.
Five-year-old Sarah is excited about starting her first day of Kindergarten. During the summer she attended a dance camp and loved her ballet shoes so much that she wore them nearly every single day. When the first day of school arrives she wants to wear her ballet shoes to school as well. “Sarah,” her mother says, “You still have your ballet shoes on and the van leaves for school in five minutes.”
“I like my ballet shoes, Mom,” Sarah replies.
“I know you like them Honey,” her mom says lovingly. “How do you think they will work in the classroom?”
“Great!” she says.
“How do you think they will work in gym class?”
“Oh, not very well. I’ll slip all over the floor. I need to wear my tennis shoes. Mom can I pack my ballet shoes in my backpack?”
“Yes you can, Sweetie. The van leaves in five minutes.”
Share the Control
Fighting with your child over control creates tension and can lead to rebellious behavior later in life. Share the control by giving your child choices that you feel good about.
Two-year-old Johnny wants to go to the park with his mother. It is a nice sunny day and the park is just around the corner from their home. Mom asks her little boy, “Do you want to walk to the park and hold Mommy’s hand, or ride in the stroller?”
“Walk and hold Mommy’s hand!” Johnny exclaims.
On the way to the park Johnny gets distracted by some rocks on the side of the road. He lets go of his mom’s hand and starts playing with the rocks. Worried about his safety Mom says, “Do you want to hold Mommy’s hand and walk to the park or do you want Mommy to carry you to the park?” Johnny doesn’t answer and continues to play with the rocks on the side of the road. Mom quickly scoops him up and says, “I am carrying you to the park.”
Provide a Strong Dose of Empathy Before Delivering Consequences
We learn from our mistakes. Usually if humans do something that causes hurt or pain we will avoid that in the future. When you allow your children make poor choices and accept the consequence of their actions you teach them a valuable lesson as long as you do it in a loving way.
Mom made vegetable lasagna for dinner for her family. Her three older kids are enjoying the meal which she hasn’t served in several months. The youngest boy, Davie picks at the lasagna and refuses to take a bite. Mom says to her young son, “Dinner is going to be over in 10 minutes, Davie and you haven’t touched your lasagna.”
Davie says, “I’m not hungry, Mom. And besides dinner looks weird.”
After dinner Mom clears Davies plate along with all the rest.
Later that night after all her kids are in bed, Davie comes down stairs and says, “Mom I can’t sleep because I am hungry.”
Mom says, “Sorry, Sweetie but dinner ended two hours ago. What do you think you should have done?”
“I think next time I am going to eat my dinner,” Davie replies.
“That is a good idea,” says Mom. “You are a smart kid!”
Share the Thinking
When your child does something that makes you angry instead of yelling show your child empathy and understanding. This will help your child think about his actions.
Little Tommy loves to play in his sister’s bedroom when she is in school. He knows he isn’t supposed to go in there but he does it anyway. Curious he wanted to know what would happen if he threw her musical jewelry box across the room. Mom hears a crash and enters her daughter’s bedroom.
“That is so sad, Tommy. You broke your sister’s special jewelry box. What are you going to do?”One
Tommy replies, “Don’t know.”
Mom asks, “Would you like to hear some ideas?”
“One idea is you could open your piggy bank and find enough money to buy her a new jewelry box. How will that work?”
“I can do that, Mommy! How much will it cost?”
“I am not sure. I’ll show you how to call the store and find out.”
Tommy learns all about how to use the telephone. With tears in his eyes Tommy says, “The lady says that a new jewelry box costs ten dollars and I only have four.”
Hugging her child Mom says, “That is so sad, Tommy. Do you want another idea?”
He nods, yes.
“You can earn the six dollars by helping me with a bunch of chores around the house, like dusting, and sweeping the kitchen floor. How will that work?”
Tommy says, “I hate chores!”
Mom replies, “How about paying me with your Spider man action figure? How would that work?”
Tommy exclaims, “I’ll do chores!”
When we help our kids build self concept, share the control, offer empathy and consequences then share the thinking we are teaching them valuable lessons that will help build their character as adults. Love and Logic parenting teaches kids how to make wise choices, accept the consequences of their actions and responsibility.
Ms. Talbert is a featured health blogger at Healthy Moms Social Network on Ning, is the Chief Marketing Officer for Talbert Nutrition LLC, and is on the Social Media Advisory Board for America’s Wellness Challenge. Follow her on Google+.and her articles can also be found on . She also runs the
If you liked this article you might enjoy these stories.
var MarketGidDate = new Date(); document.write(”);