My toddler is going to be two years old in August of this year. She is my last baby. I have three daughters biologically, and I am lucky to be a step-mom to a daughter and a son. I love all five of my children with all of my heart and soul. But I have to admit, there is something special about the last one. Of course there is something special about each and everyone of them. There is a special bond with me and each child that I treasure dearly.
However, the last baby is THE LAST BABY! I have tried to do everything I always wanted to do with the other kids that I never did, with this one. I either didn’t make the time to with the others, or I let time get ahead of me. I have tried to slow time down with this last little one, treasure every moment no matter how insignificant it may seem. We cloth diapered this baby, we went all natural with a lot of different things, we baby wear this one, and so many other fun things we were able to experience with this one that we didn’t have the privilege to with the others.
But oh this last baby! If she was our first, she most definitely would have been our last. She had colic which in turn meant she didn’t sleep at all for the first three months of her life. She is needy, and clingy, and will net let me sit down without her on my lap…EVER! She refuses to go to bed, she screams if she doesn’t get her way. This baby has no conception of the word “no”, and doesn’t listen to anything.
The other side of it is this baby can be the sweetest little thing that you have ever met! She has the funniest personality that is all her own. She loves to make people laugh, she is a cuddle bug, and she is love. However, when it is time to go to sleep she screams, and I mean screams like bloody murder! And I know she is doing it to get my attention and she is being fresh. I know that I should let her cry it out, because giving in to her is letting her run the show. And I know in the long run I am creating a monster. Everyone keeps telling me I have to just let her cry it out, and that I have to make her listen to me better and not keep giving her her way.
But my reasons for not letting my last baby cry it out are these:
- I’ll never again have the chance to soothe a crying baby
- She calls for me by name (mommy), and it breaks my heart
- I’m afraid that she’s afraid of the dark and I don’t want her to be scared
- I love cuddling with her
- All she wants to do is snuggle when I get her out
- Each day with her is one day closer to her getting older
- I did it all by the book the first few times, I’m okay with breaking the rules for the last one
- So I create a monster, she’s my little monster
- I want her to be happy always
- I don’t want her to feel like I wouldn’t protect her
- I want her to know mommy will always run to her
- I know how fast the “baby” stage ends, and I want to take in every moment I can
- Did I mention she is my last baby?
- A little piece of me dies inside when I hear her cry
I realize that all of my reasons are selfish. And I also realize I may be hindering her progress on falling asleep alone, but I would rather her know that she will always have my arms open when she cries than be able to self soothe. I let all of my other kids self soothe, and they are all great. There are no issues, but none of them cried for me like this baby does. This baby touches my heart different. And because I will never again have the opportunity to smell another baby head, or cuddle another tiny baby I am going to do that with every chance I get with the last one.