Lies we believe…until today

The Plan

I want you write down all the negative things you say about yourself.  Then, I want you to write down the things you didn’t want to put down on the list.

These were the instructions I gave to a friend one afternoon. I would be stopping by her house in three days so she could stand in front of me and read the list to me. Tears ran down my cheeks and down hers as she read the cruel things she believed and said to herself on a regular basis. She has been listening to lies.

The Lies

You are a failure. You are not good enough. All you have ever wanted is to be a mom and you are screwing it up/failing. So, what is the point?

You have nothing important to say. Your opinion doesn’t matter. You are so dumb.  You aren’t pretty. I can’t believe you don’t want to spend more time with your kids. You kids don’t need you. Your kids hate you. You are a mean mom.

You aren’t fulfilling your husband’s needs. I wouldn’t be surprised if he looked elsewhere.

Why can’t you get them to behave?

 Act normal?

Not freak out?

You have no control over them.

They are all looking at you. You aren’t dressed well enough to fit in. Why can’t you be more like that mom…More fun? More loving? More patient?

They are all going to judge you.

You don’t belong here. You’re a fake…they know you don’t have as much money as them.

You are boring. You try so hard to fit in but you can’t get it right.

You are just letting time pass you by.  You are missing out. Why are you so emotional?

You are forgettable.

Why are you here? What are you doing? What’s the point.

The Problem

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“Would you ever say these words to another human being?” I asked.   She quickly said, “ No, these are horrible things to say about a person.”  I asked her why in the world she thinks it is okay to say these things to herself, a daughter of God.

In the Beatitudes, Jesus says , “ Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.” You read in multiple places in Scripture that God desires mercy not sacrifice.  Extending mercy is a BIG deal to Jesus, but women tend to withhold mercy from ourselves and be cruel instead.  It’s a weightier matter of the heart.

This is a sweet, Jesus loving girl who is kind and loving to all around her, yet; she does NOT extend mercy to herself.  That is NOT okay! It’s time women expose the imposter that whispers these lies to us so that we can STOP being so cruel to ourselves.

It’s easy to overlook self cruelty as a small issue because you aren’t hurting anybody.  If I was crying listening to this list, how do think God feels when we are cruel to His daughters.

It’s time to expose the lie that is keeping you from walking in and being able to extend mercy.


So what’s on your list? What cruel things do you say to yourself?  There is an impostor who is whispering those lies to you keeping you from walking in the grace and freedom God desires for your life.

The Point

Once you expose your lies you must fill it with truth! Those truths are God not only loves you, but He LIKES you! He thought of you before you born.  You have such purpose. You have a voice!  Say it over and over until you believe it.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

He designed you uniquely to show the world something about Him that ONLY you can do!

My friend was angry after she read this list to me.  The mask had been removed from the liar in her head and she was no longer a person who would believe these were her truths.  Amen to that!

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Multiple times she asked the question “What is the point?”

The point for the believer is and has always been Jesus.  We must learn how to separate truth from lie in our thoughts so that we never forget Jesus is the point.  As we continue to seek Him, and walk in His ways, the “point” will become more and more obvious.

There is lasting joy living a life for Jesus.  I pray today is the day you expose the imposter in your thoughts. I pray you come out of hiding behind the insecurities that keep you from walking in freedom and grace.

Dear heavenly Father,

Thank you for the mercy we receive in Jesus.  Help us Father to hear the truth that allows us to expose the lies we believe about ourselves.  Jesus,  put people and things in our lives that remind us of your perfect love for us. You are everything God, so help us to learn to walk in your ways and receive the perfect loves that comes with following you.

In your perfect and Holy name,


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  • MANDI , August 14, 2016

    Digging inside everyone wife/mother/woman’s head and replacing those kids with truth! Life changing!!! Great read!

  • MANDI , August 14, 2016


  • Janice , August 15, 2016

    Well said! It’s so easy to fall for Satan’s deception.

  • Amy Garmon , August 15, 2016

    So true. Every woman has a time when she lets these lies affect her. Recognizing the thoughts and stopping them in their tracks is the key. Sometimes I’ll actually say out loud (and probably sound like a weirdo) “Satan, stop lying to me”. It’s powerful. Lauren really gets down to the dirty truth and let us know that we’re not alone in these feelings. I’m thankful for you!

  • Sabrina , August 15, 2016

    Great read!!

  • Lauren Tonge , August 15, 2016

    Yes! When we replace our thoughts with HIS thoughts…it IS life changing! Thanks for stopping by!

  • LAUREN Tonge , August 15, 2016

    Knowing the truth changes everything! Thanks for stopping by!

  • LAUREN Tonge , August 15, 2016

    Saying it out loud! What a great idea! Thanks for your thoughts!

  • Teresa Sheffer , August 16, 2016

    Being bold on our own behalf is not a natural tendency…Satan, stand down, your lies are not welcome here because I stand up, stand up for Jesus!
    Thanks Lauren for your insightful teachings!

  • Colette S , August 17, 2016

    I can see those from me. So sad.
    We do need to face these and replace them with God’s truth.
    I try.
    I try.

  • Lauren Tonge , August 17, 2016

    Colette, I pray that today is the day you believe those lies no more! You have been uniquely created and have something important to give and share to those around you! I pray you embrace your weakness so Jesus can show up and make you strong in Jesus name!

  • Cascia Talbert , August 22, 2016

    Amen! I agree. Thanks for stopping by, Teresa. Have a great week!

  • Cascia Talbert , August 22, 2016

    Thanks for stopping by, Sabrina.

  • Cascia Talbert , August 22, 2016

    That is a great idea. Thanks for stopping by, Amy. Have a great week.

  • Cascia Talbert , August 22, 2016

    Thanks for stopping by, Janice. Have a fantastic week!

  • Rheanna , August 31, 2016

    It hurts to think about the hateful things we say to ourselves. I am just as guilty of it as the friend you mention in your article. I have to remind myself that I am a God fearing, Jesus loving woman who is trying her best at this thing called life! The lies are not from God and I shouldn’t give them a second thought. I have literally said out loud “Satan leave this place, now!” When I start to believe the evil thoughts in my mind I have to replace them with the truth, God’s word.

  • LAUREN Tonge , August 31, 2016

    Rheanna, Thanks for stopping by! Thanks for sharing the you say out loud “Satan leave this place!” Those are powerful words for the believer. Running to God’s word in what changes everything. Peace to you!

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